Hello Readers, I’m Uncomfortable…

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Hello readers, I’m uncomfortable.

I’ve had a massive story in my head, languishing in the background, that I couldn’t bring myself to finish for ten years. Reading history inspired me and learning about genocide horrified me in more ways I could imagine. My fear became tangible, as I realized the story needed to be the one I wanted and could tell, that not every tale is mine. I am the vehicle for the stories that filter through this mind and heart, and my identity and experiences shape them in unique ways.

The closer I get to telling my story, though, the more uncomfortable I get. Not because I worry who will read it, who will like it, who will think it’s “good.” Not because I worry about the money that may or may not come from trying to sell it, either. Not because I spent almost a decade worldbuilding, researching, and working on various drafts and outlines.

I have made my peace with all the things I can’t control, and built several insurance policies in place should I fail. If this story doesn’t work out, then I’ll have another one. Dozens of them. Releasing properties and games and commentary and programs, until something does resonate.

I am uncomfortable because I don’t want to write this story. Not because I don’t care, but because I worry about it that much. I’m terrified I’ll get the details wrong or that I’m sending the wrong message in the story that leads up to the main, epic plotline. Vanity project? Waste of time? No, I’m not worried about that. Everything I do, even the publications that have come out are associated with my name, my brand. It’s the getting it wrong bit that makes me very uncomfortable, it’s telling the hardest parts that are more painful than I expected, and I’m doing it — I’m writing these stories — anyway.

You’ll find out more in October.

Mood: Monday mania
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Oh crap, I lost count.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Writing!
In My Ears: Air conditioner
Game Last Played: Pokémon Go
Book Last Read: Epic Fantasy anthology
Movie/TV Show Last Viewed: The Originals Season 4. You ended it too sooooooooon!
Latest Artistic Project: Make Art Not War 2017 Challenge and Rules
Latest Releases: In Volo’s Wake for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Unknown Armies Books 1-3, and Kobold Guide to Gamemastering.
Current State of Projects: Read my latest project update. New project update coming when I get time.




Hello Readers, I’m Uncomfortable… was originally published on Monica Valentinelli

365 Days of Squee Challenge. Day One!

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After seeing my cousin’s 365 Day photo challenge, I decided to come up with one of my own in the form of my 365 Reasons to Squee. Over the course of the next year, each day I’m going to find something past, present, or future–a memory, an object, an experience–that is squee-worthy to me. Squee-worthy you say? All those happy little emotions that bubble up to the surface when you say, do, or think something so awesome you can’t help but feel happy.

So instead of photos? You get my squees. And? If you’re so inspired? By all means, do the same! Attribution appreciated, as always.

To kick things off, I’m going to give you one of my happiest experiences as a kid–going to the library. Surrounded by books, by so many stories, by so much knowledge…it was total freedom for me. I read everything, losing myself in worlds I’d never seen, places I hoped I’d be able to visit one day. Being surrounded by books, tomes that people had dedicated so much time and energy into writing, it gave me hope. I was never alone in the library. Never. There was always another book to read, another story to tell, another sense of awe and wonder to feel, another human being to recognize, acknowledge, and listen to.

I’ve joked that music saved my life and writing gave me a reason to live it. Looking back, as I try to quantify those times I retreated into the confines of a book…I suppose this is the literal truth for many reasons. For me, books aren’t stagnant objects that sit on a shelf collecting dust. They are a repository of past and present human knowledge, a gift that’s freely accessible and available to everyone, a way to connect with other minds and hearts to be entertained, educated, and inspired. These feelings have roots in my childhood, in all the reasons why the library became one of the most hallowed places for me, why a book was always nearby.

So thanks and a huge round of applause to all the librarians and teachers who cheered me on to keep writing and reading, who encouraged my reading/writing level to increase despite my age, and who always greeted me with kindness.

1/365

  • Mood: Grateful
  • Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I’ve had two cups so far. Trying to limit myself to that.
  • Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: I took a nap instead. BAD WRITER!
  • In My Ears: Lament of the air conditioner.
  • Game Last PlayedAge of Reckoning: Kingdoms of Amalur
  • Book Last Read: Re-reading His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman
  • Movie Last ViewedLucy
  • Latest Artistic Project: Um…
  • Latest Fiction/Comic ReleaseLast Man Zombie Standing. See also: need to write more flipping comics and exercise my art skillz again. Feh.
  • Latest Game ReleaseHunter the Vigil: Mortal Remains
  • What I’m Working On: Primarily tie-in games work, original comics, and novels.